bittersweet solitude of a fireflower

April 12, 2015, 9:55 am
Filed under: Emo Binge

 (picture from here.)

We are at crossroads. To the right, a concrete path awaits. At the end of the path, approving nods with enchanting smiles await. The smile that you often see during Chinese New Year when you finally brought a someone along. When you finally send the wedding invite. When your parents announce to gossipy relatives that you received a prestigious scholarship, or when you told your typical Chinese parents that you have a job in the civil service. 

To the left, a stone path waves meekly at you. There’s no hurrays, no confetti, and definitely no champagne to celebrate your arrival. It’s foggy and visibility is low – you can’t make out what’s ahead, and neither can you foresee what will happen next. Along the way, you may be hit by stones, sometimes rocks that come tumbling down from the hills alongside. There’s no “watch for falling rocks”, only uneasy silence. 

Would you go on the right path just because society approves, or would you be going on the left because despite not knowing what’s ahead, the love in you encourages you to stay strong and stand up for yourself?

It has dawned upon me that this thing called love is extremely frightening. It’s feelings and decisions intertwined, wrapped around by (sometimes false) hopes and (overly idealistic) dreams. Each time it happens, you’re required to let go a certain amount of trust in order to fall, and once you fall there’s no guarantee that it’ll be a safe landing. In fact, if you land unscathed, huge congratulations to you. 

Unfortunately, I’m at crossroads now, battered with wounds that could not heal in time.

Letting go, falling, letting go, falling. 

Wounds attained, wounds healed. wounds attained, wounds healed. 

Where do I go? Will love ever be enough?


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