Yesterday was a day when I realized how existence was ever so fleeting.
No wait, re-discovered will be a more appropriate word.
Well, it’s not that I didn’t know how short-lived certain (no, most… no wait, in fact, all) existences are. It’s just that that cruel fact struck me even harder while I was at the Singapore Art Museum at 10:10PM viewing the exhibits during the Night Festival.
I was thinking, man, these beautiful exhibits will be gone soon. These beautiful moments which had been delicately captured on film, had come and gone, no longer existing at this very moment. Everything that’s happening, ceases happening the moment it happens.
I read this off one of those white slates describing the concept of TransportAsian, and it struck a chord within me:
We are all Pasajeros, travelers of life, a life whose fleeting nature causes us to feel despair. However, there is also depth and beauty to be found in this impermanence, when it is eventually discovered.
And then, I was reminded that this despair I had felt, about impermanence and fleeting existence, was redundant, and that if I were to take a step back and reflect, 只要曾经拥有，就足够了.
… was spent at AYG.
At Singapore National Sailing Centre
Was deployed to chaperone a team for sailing at the National Sailing Centre, and the weather for the past few days had been great. As sailing is one event that you can’t really watch on the spot (unless you’re out at sea with the competitors or you have a binoculars), we relied on the live commentary from the reporters out at sea who blogged about what was going on.
The whole competition will end on 6th July. A few more days to go… not to mention the demise of my weekend. Sigh. But oh well, the experience has been a good one so far, so I’ve no complaints 
…
Had a break today and ran several errands, including catching up on my marking. It was cathartic in some sense, I guess.
Having not done anything pertaining to other people other than myself.
Doing my own things at my own pace.
We even went to the Night Safari to chill in the evening.
I like this. Not accounting for anyone, not being accounted for. Great stuff.
It’s time for a mid-year review (man, this sounds like work!), and what better time to do it but now?
I haven’t been reflecting much these days (note the very short and crisp posts of late)… or rather I choose not to reflect and delve too deep into things; capturing those special moments with beautiful pictures suffice to tell a long story short.
So. Here goes.
Filed under: Emo Binge
Life often surprises us with all sorts of things, like streamers suddenly popping out out of nowhere.
And so we got to learn to pick them up and sort them out, in hope to help ourselves stay focused to work towards our goals.
Hehe. I’ll update more about Manny soon; this was taken at my cousin’s place when we visited her and my niece on 29th December.
So, I am going to pen down so-called New Year resolutions, just for the sake of keeping track.
Filed under: Emo Binge
Another crazy year gone.
And I honestly can’t wait for another one to come.
Change came, bringing along with it its good and not-so-good counterparts, and I was made to deal with it, whether I’d welcomed it or not. I haven’t been writing as much as I’d used to because of the Change, and I suspect that this stagnant state has resulted from my mind’s new-found ability to cast amnesia upon itself. I can hardly remember much of what goes on in my life, and even when I seek to remember the emotions I’ve attached to those fading memories, I find my heart placing a clear shield before the incoming emotions that threatened to tilt the inner peace I’d cautiously gathered as time went by.
Well, I guess it can be good and it can be bad. After all, we are only human. We can never stop feeling.
Let me walk down memory lane in attempt to confront this imperfect soul who is only trying to be perfect.
Filed under: Emo Binge
I never really knew her.
And so by right, I shouldn’t feel much for her. Right?
I find myself thinking of her while watching Money No Enough 2 last night, recalling her last few moments breathing the same air here with us.
How she had spoken incoherently, causing a lot of frustration in the household because we no longer knew what she wanted.
How she had “released” involuntarily because she could no longer “close her doors”.
How nonchalant I was towards the whole affair, simply because I didn’t know how to feel.
It’s been 13 years.
…
I never really knew him.
And so by right, I shouldn’t feel much for him. Right?
I find myself thinking of him while watching Money No Enough 2 last night, recalling his last few (near-lifeless) moments physically here with us.
How I was never there when he had entered the hospital. I had only received a phone call from my parents during the first week of school telling me that he was on the verge of leaving.
Now come to think of it, I wonder how he had looked like when he was there. When he finally left.
My parents didn’t want the whole lot of us to go down because… well, it seemed hopeful then.
Until the unexpected happened.
And then the whole drama unveiled during the funeral itself where I saw the most disgusting side of my relatives, (one of) the most emotional side of my sister, and (one of) the most nonchalant side of myself.
I was nonchalant because I was afraid to feel. I couldn’t afford to break down when there were other people breaking down. I need to hold the fort. I need to let people know that despite how weak I felt deep inside, I am really not someone you can mess with.
It’s been 4 years.
…
The thought of placing your life into the hands of someone who can control life and death is daunting.
The thought of placing your heart into the hands of someone who can control your emotions is tormenting.
Filed under: Emo Binge
Filed under: Emo Binge
(picture by her.)
Thank you so much.
I guess you probably will never know how grateful I am to you to have known you in my life.
And I hope we’ll continue this way (:
I hope I will continue this way too (:
Your words gave me strength, and I’ll continue to work hard. I’ve already taken the first step, and I’m moving ahead, and I’ll continue to do so because I believe I can! 
Filed under: Emo Binge
Last day today, and I was super busy.
Had to invigilate a class for 1 hour (giving out 3 sets of documents to each student is no easy feat), settle CA marks, supervise some students doing their extremely belated work, and babysit 16 students.
After that the trainees went to have high tea to reward ourselves for surviving 10 weeks.
10 WEEKS. Gosh. Time flies like a zooming rocket.
And then soon, they say, we would have completed our bond.
